long friday, smash and grab

I've kind of fallen off the wagon - the 40-day wagon - the last few days have been a little out of control. Tuesday we discovered that someone had broken into our garage, smashed our car window and stolen my neurology bag, so I've been borrowing stethoscopes and tuning forks from the residents and med students this week. Grr. The thief could have simply opened the driver's side door, which was unlocked, but I guess that's not as fun as breaking a window. The police said that there were no signs of forced entry, and we confirmed that our garage door was definitely closed, so the theory is that people drive around with different garage door openers/scanners and randomly find ones that work. That's not a comforting thought. We are now using our electronic lock on the garage door. Hope that works. I also will not leave stuff in the car anymore, even with the garage door closed.
:-(

As far as our 40 days, yesterday we were supposed to clean out a closet or drawer that had been bugging us, but I just didn't have the energy. I did find the motivation to go online and start ordering stuff to replace what was lost. That was kind of fun. I decided to get a burgundy stethoscope (replacing my old forest green one), a black medical bag and the same German-made titanium reflex hammer I had before. It's the center one in the picture. It's my favorite neurology tool. :-)

Today we are supposed to clean out our closets and donate clothes we don't wear. I'm not sure that will happen today, but if it doesn't, that's OK. Today I saw lots of neurology patients and completed at least 23 patient notes. I'm glad tomorrow is my last day on wards, and looking forward to returning to my normal schedule.

On the bright side, next week is supposed to be beautiful spring-like weather - sunny and highs in the upper 50's! Yayyyyyy!!! :-)

things I love about my family

Today, day 30 of our 40 days, Tammy and I are listing 40 things we love about our family. This one should be fun. :-)

I love:

1. that Bryan is a frequent vacuumer :-)
2. the way Sam wakes up so happy and cheerful in the morning
3. Alex's new penchant for drawing little stick people on sticky notes and leaving them around the house
4. Bryan's way with the kids - he is firm with his discipline, but also very nurturing and playful
5. the way Alex is learning to guide and help Sam, defend him, and play with him
6. that every day Sam says, "First John, four, eight. God...is...WUV!" (I admit, he says it to get candy, but it's very cute)
7. the imagination of Alex as she names her animals (latest one is her dog, "Pull")
8. Bryan's helpfulness in getting up to get the kids ready early every Tuesday morning. That is true selfless love, directed towards me, as he is not a morning person.
9. Alex's sharp eyes and ears. She does not miss one thing!
10. the conversations Sam has with his toys. Recently overheard, a "dialogue" between two trucks: "OK. Wuv you!" followed by, "Wuv you TOO!"
11. My dad's undiminished thirst for adventure as at age 70-plus, he is traveling the world and having new experiences and learning new things
12. My mom's dedication to shop year-round so that she is always ready with a box of wrapped presents (birthday, Christmas, Valentine's, Easter...) for each child, daughter- or son-in-law, and grandchild. Impressive! and thoughtful!
13. Buzz's sense of humor, and willingness to wear bizarre Korean t-shirts (Kim Jong Il:"Do you fear me now?")
14. Cameo's cooking skills, blogging skills, photo skills, and overall mommy skills - I don't know if she knows how much I've learned from her!
15. Mary's art of phone conversations. We can talk for hours and have such a good time, until our ears are too sore to continue!
16. Tim and Tammy's enthusiasm for games, Skype, and fun. Funny, I love the way both of them laugh!
17. Laura's crooked smile which you can trace all the way back to her baby pictures
18. memories of Dan on our trip to Glacier Park when I was nine; he carried my pack for me, practiced his "trumpet" with just the mouthpiece in the tent, and stood nose-to-nose with a huge bighorn sheep while Dad yelled, "Get away from that thing!"
19. that Peter always has silly jokes for me, and collects jokes to tell his patients in the OR
20. Chip's fearlessness (as a kid) in biking, skiing, skateboarding - I was always in awe and amazed at how brave he was when he wiped out!
21. Suzie's willingness to give me a ride to school on the moped in high school, even though she wasn't supposed to
22. Rosie's creative brilliance, and the fact that we are both "sinister" (lefties! - the only 2 out of 12!)
23. Jenny's fearlessness regarding her own hair: not only did she dye it many colors (I liked the blue!) but she even buzzed it in high school - now that is brave!
24. Robin's flair for home decoration and general style sense - something I lack completely.
25. the way Bryan always likes me to cook, and eats whatever I cook even when it's a new recipe that isn't great
26. the way Bryan never "expects" me to cook and doesn't care if we eat peanut butter and jelly or macaroni and cheese for dinner
27. that Bryan always remembers to take out the trash on Tuesdays
28. that Bryan is always willing to change a diaper
29. that Bryan's mom (Nana) is so good with little kids and so willing to come and help out with them every year. What a great grandma she is.
30. that my grandma, mom's mom, was a gifted poet
31. the way Sam and Alex cuddle on my lap (actually they fight over it) for "story time"
32. Sam's abundant, good-natured energy - who needs caffeine when you have Sam?
33. the way Alex makes up songs and sings her way around the house
34. Sam's love of dressing up as a princess with the girls
35. how Alex loves to make cards "for people in jail" or people who are poor, and offers to give her toys to "the poor kids"
36. that Sam will put his stuffed dog in time out when the doggie "hits people"
37. the way both kids have such a joyful time in the bathtub
38. Bryan's perceptiveness with people. He notices things that go right over my head
39. the sound of Alex's belly laugh
40. Sam's face when he cries - it sounds mean to say I love that, but he has the most adorable scrunched up nose...

a prayer

Today, day 29 of our 40 days, Tammy and I are looking for new prayers or revisiting old prayers. Sunday at our church was "Preschool Sunday" (there is a preschool associated with the church). At first I wasn't too thrilled with this, since at my house every day is "preschool day" and I thought it might be some trite little "chicken soup for the preschooler's soul" or something. Well, actually it turned out to be a pretty nice service. One of the teachers read this poem, which toward the end brought tears to my eyes. I think being an adoptive mom makes me more aware, and more sad over, all the kids who are growing up without love. Or else I am just sentimental and the references to kids dragging blankets (Sam) and who want to be carried (Alex) reminded me of my own kids and how glad I am to be their mom.

Anyway, here is the prayer, or maybe it's a poem: (from http://www.appleseeds.org/childpry.htm)

We Pray for Children . . .
Ina J. Hughs


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We pray for children
who sneak popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who can never find their shoes.

And we pray, for those
who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
who never "counted potatoes,"
who are born in places where we wouldn't be caught dead,
who never go to the circus,
who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children
who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money.

And we pray for those
who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who can't find any bread to steal,
who don't have any rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
whose monsters are real.

We pray for children
who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed,
and never rinse out the tub,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at
and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those
whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren't spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children
who want to be carried and for those who must,
for those we never give up on
and for those who don't get a second chance.
For those we smother . . .
and for those who will grab the hand of anybody
kind enough to offer it.

Please offer your hands to them so that no child is left behind
because we did not act.

library fun

Today Tammy and I spent some time at the downtown SLC library (pictured here at night - isn't it cool?). We browsed the books on sale, and I picked up a used "Collector's Library" edition of the Phantom of the Opera, for $4. Big spender am I.

We also looked at the Salt Lake Tribune from March 8 of the years we were born - pretty entertaining. A London Fog "Maincoat" was $40 to $47, and there were ads for spring dresses in good 60's styles. We got a kick out of the ads for the TVs, too - "automatic color" was the hot new thing, with "no more green and purple faces, no more jumping up and down to adjust the color!" The headline for my birthday was about the "Spider" - a lunar lander that two Apollo 9 astronauts flew successfully in preparation for a moon landing. In addition, there were some entertaining ads, including an ad for an X-rated movie (The Ramrodder!) on the same page as ads for the upcoming Mahler Symphony No. 9 concert with Maurice Abravenel conducting at the Salt Lake Tabernacle.

Speaking of the Utah Symphony, yesterday was another day of music for our 40 days. Tammy got to go hear them live, but since I was on call, I just listened at home - Brahms Symphony #1 and Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto #1. I hadn't heard them in full in a long time, and that was quite nice. We had originally scheduled a massage for that day, but I think I was just as happy with the massage for my brain.

Tomorrow we are going to watch a Verdi opera. This 40 day plan is definitely getting me out of my rut - I have done so many things I would never have done otherwise, and I'm really glad for that!

a poem: My Treasure

A little poem I wrote today.

My Treasure

He threw his toothbrush in the john
He wipes his nose just anywhere
Our leather sofa's colored on
That's peanut butter in his hair

Lawn fertilizer, Oxy-Clean
Virginia creeper leaves
A Christmas ornament from the tree
He's eaten all of these

At night he likes to get undressed
And pee where he should not
The potty leaves him unimpressed
He likes to see a spot

You ask me why I love him so
I don't know what to say,
Except that he's my treasure
And I love him more each day.

busy day at the VA

I'm currently working full time as a plain old neurologist, not informaticist, at the Salt Lake VA, overseeing the inpatient and consult services, as well as fielding ER calls and clinic patients. The last couple days have been busier than usual. Without going into too much detail, here are some observations:

- When we admit a patient, whether for stroke or MS or whatever, it seems we spend almost as much time, energy and effort preventing complications of hospitalization as we do treating the main problem. And this is, unfortunately, necessary. Complications are what drives up costs and make for poor outcomes. I dread and loathe complications.

- There is an epidemic of sleep apnea going on. Sometimes it seems like half our patients have it, and the other half just haven't been diagnosed yet. Of those that have it, I would estimate 90% or more don't treat it because they can't stand the mask. I know it's not easy, but I am tired of hearing "Fix my headaches" and "I can't stand the mask" in the same breath. Maybe your headaches are trying to tell you something: your brain wants more oxygen at night!


- Since I graduated from residency 7 years ago, aside from the sleep apnea prevalence, not much else has changed. Everyone has hypertension, obesity, hyperlipidemia, diabetes, COPD and depression, but what they most want to talk about is prostatic hypertrophy and can they get some of that Viagra? ;-)

- Really, despite the above, I like being at the VA and treating veterans. I feel like we do a lot of good things here. It is hard, though, to see people who are close to the end of their lives and to see and hear their suffering, and that of their families, close up. Especially on neurology, we see a fair number of people who just don't know what's happening to them and can't comprehend where they are, who is in their room, why they can't get out of bed and why they can't go home. :-( Sometimes there's just not a lot we can do.

And on that cheery note, it's time to go!

no words necessary

Someone sent me this picture today, and I just love it.